gender – drowning dry

I was playing Solitaire on my phone a little while ago and thinking, and it occurred to me that maybe the reason I had trouble writing on here in the past is because I was limiting myself a bit too much. I mean, to be fair, the alcohol problem is a big deal and it’s the major problem in my life that I need to deal with, but there is other stuff too. I think I would like to talk about gender more, as I understand it (or rather, as I do not) and I want to talk about mental health in a more broad sense. And I remember how much fun I had writing a post all about Taylor Swift, so I could maybe do more stuff like that sometime too. I would like to spend a lot more time just writing, and going through old posts, and I’d like to answer questions too, if anyone out there reading wants to ask me something – comments on my posts are always welcome (unless you’re rude).

Something I am definitely going to do going forward is stop trying to be funny. I’ll still make jokes and post pictures and all that, but re-reading some of the stuff I’ve previously posted I have found myself cringing SO HARD at the bad writing, the awful attempts at humor, and particularly some of the references I tried so hard to shoehorn in which I’m sure no one understands but me. I want to try to edit myself more, because I know that when something is poorly written the content doesn’t matter because people aren’t going to want to read it – I can think of several times I’ve quit reading an article half-way through because I can’t stand the way it’s structured or something, and it’s the same way I feel now after going back through my posts. Ugh!

So anyway, that’s all I really came here to say for now. I’m going to spend some time making changes to the site before I start posting major updates, I think, as it’s just come to my attention that this site looks like garbage on smartphones for example, so I think I’d like to fix that. Don’t be alarmed if the site drastically changes while you’re part way through reading something, but I’ll try not to do that to you.

Thanks for reading, friends!

Bex

Four years and two months since my last update.

So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. I’m in a different city, I’ve had two different jobs, I’ve left Twitter for Mastodon, I came out as gender-fluid and moved to non-binary, with the potential to possibly be transgender, I’ve lost some teeth. But I’m still an alcoholic. Still living with anxiety. Still living with depression. Still alienating myself and hurting friends and family with my bullshit. But at least I am alive.

I can’t say for sure how often I’ll continue to update this blog, but I would like to do it at least weekly. I’ll just have to see how my life pans out I guess. It would be good to figure out some sort of schedule, but scheduling stuff is hard right now while I’m unemployed – when every day is more or less the same, you’d think scheduling things would be easy, but to be honest every day just pretty much blurs together and I often forget what day it is. I can’t even manage playing the daily challenges on the Solitaire app on my phone sometimes even with a daily reminder notification lmao. Anyway.

I don’t have much else to say right now, I just wanted to post something since I know there are people looking at this again. I apologise for the poor writing in the previous posts haha, here’s hoping it’ll improve from here.

Thanks for reading. I love you.